She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
