My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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