I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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