OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
