i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
