It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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