Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
