i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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