the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
