She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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