Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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