he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
