I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize