There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
