God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
