Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
