My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
