If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
