living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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