We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
