Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
