dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize