Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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