I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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