I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
