You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know, be my cock's hype man.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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