Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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