Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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