So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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