i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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