I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
