just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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