matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
