I wanna passion pit in your ass
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
