brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
