just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
