I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
