Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
