it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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