What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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