is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
