Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
