I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
