Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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