I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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