I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
3 2 1 whiskey
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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