there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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