whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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