It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
