theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
