Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
