It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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