All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
