she woke up with a sticky ear
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
