Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
