Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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