Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
