If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
