the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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