I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
