I think I died a long time ago.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
