i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
