I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
