He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
