I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
