He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize