This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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