Dual....:-)
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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