happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Found your dick twin last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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