his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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