This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize