Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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