I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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