apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
