Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
