i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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