Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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