Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
