I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
