IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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