he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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