Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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