me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
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