I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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