We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
