I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
