I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
