Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
