the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
