Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
