i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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