I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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