the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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